What type of Hijab are yours?

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hijab has sadly become a largely distorted order of Allah, and it's really, nothing but worrying to see what the Hijab has become in the recent past. 

I know everything undergoes some kind of evolution with time, but the commands in Islam are timeless, and it's meant to be upheld and not distorted over time. So what evolution has the Hijab undergone? For a start, Google "Hijab fashion show" and "Hijab styles". 
Done? 
So now you can see for yourself what the Hijab has been reduced to. From everything starting from "Summer Hijab Fashion" to "Hijab trends 2012", they have it all. And what's more than sad to see is that our women are falling headlong into the trap of these Hijab trends and fashion.

So basically, Hijabis can be narrowed down to 5 categories. Choose for yourself which category you fall into:

1- HALF/INCOMPLETE HIJABI

How has the Hijab been ordered by Allah? 

"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers todraw their cloaks ("Jalabib") veils all over their bodies that is most convenient that they should be known (as such) and not molested: and Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful." [Surah Al-Ahzab: 59].

So you see, this Hijab ordered by Allah in the Quran is the complete Hijab. Any Hijab that falls short of this definition is an incomplete Hijab. 

Which brings us to the Hijab of the present. Somehow, most people, Muslims included, perceive the Hijab to be merely a headcover, but this verse above clearly says that we should "draw our cloaks over all their bodies". Doesn't this simply refer to the Jilbab or the Abaya? 

If you don't thing so, fine. But ask yourself if wearing the Hijab headcover with tight-fitting skinny jeans, short T-shirts and transparent clothing is ok. Well it's not. This kind of Hijab is simply NOT the correct Hijab and in my opinion, this type of Hijab that has picked up popularity in the recent past, is what I'd call a half/incomplete Hijabi. 

And what is the correct Hijab? I'll come to that.

2- GLITZY HIJABI

Ever come across pages online that give advice on how to 'glam up your Hijab'? Well, that's exactly what I'm talking here. Accessorizing the Hijab is simply unacceptable. Why? Because it has not been allowed in Islam. See this verse here:

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; That they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what is apparent of it and that they should draw their veils over their bosoms.” (Surah Noor 24:31) 

So, do you think that 5 layers of make-up, fancy brooches and Hijab pins and whatever other accessories that Hijabis put up nowadays is allowed? It has clearly been stated in the Quran "Not display their beauty and adornments" and we still find it acceptable to glam up our Hijabs?

3- PART-TIME HIJABI

Islam isn't a seasonal or part-time commitment. No way! If we call ourselves Muslims, we should practice Islam every moment of our lives at any place, anywhere. Period.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons or their sisters' sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31).

So, taking off your Hijab in the presence of men who are not mentioned in this verse also falls intp the category of part-time Hijabis.

So what about these part-time Hijabis? Wearing the Hijab only when they are in the company of 'religious' people and taking it off when they feel ashamed of wearing the Hijab in front of their friends or in certain places. This is not something that is even marginally acceptable. How can you fulfil a command of Allah only when you feel like it and walk away from it when you don't feel like it?

4- RELUCTANT HIJABI

As I've said countless times before, the Hijab is an order from Allah and if you know anyone who doesn't wear the Hijab, you should try your best and advice them to wear it. 

So, reluctant Hijabis are as you might have guessed already, those Muslimahs who are not ready for the Hijab yet, but are forced to wear it because their parents want them to. You see sisters, you should wear the Hijab with love and pride. It's a beautiful blessing from Allah to us, and we should be able to wear the Hijab with our heads held high. What's the point of wearing the Hijab when you don't want to? 

5- A COMPLETE HIJABI

This is the best, most beautiful, most honourable, most respectful and most amazing Hijab ever! And although only a few women are ready to put on the complete Hijab, those who do so are undoubtedly earning numerous rewards from Allah!

So what's a complete Hijabi? Well, it's the Hijab worn by the wives and daughters of Prophet Muhammad sallalahu alaihi wasallam and the Sahaba women. How was their Hijab? Refer to this Hadith below:

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “The riders used to pass by us when we were with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in ihraam.When they came near, each of us would lower her jilbaab from her head over her face, and when they passed by we would uncover (our faces).” [Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1833; Ahmad, 24067]

They wore the Jilbab and the Niqab and this, my 

dear sisters in Islam, is the Hijab worn at the time of Prophet Muhammad sallalahu alaihi wasallam and this fact alone makes it the complete Hijab.

So, which category do you fall into? If it's anything but the last, I suggest that you correct your Hijab and your intentions. You may not want to wear the Niqab, but even if you do wear your Hijab with an Abaya or loose fitting clothes, that's good MashaAllah. But wouldn't you want to take that one step forward and wear the kind of Hijab worn by the Sahaba women and the wives and daughters of Prophet Muhammad sallalahu alaihi wasallam?

Choose for yourself which kind of Hijabi you'd want to be. And choose wisely.

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Dear Allah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Dear Allah,

I love You. I love how You can read my heart and know what is hidden in it from the world. I love how You make me fall catch me before I crash. I love talking to You. I love how I smile when I think about You :) I love the tears that flow down for You when I think of You as my God :') I love performing my prayer ad how I sometimes not want to get up from sujood. I love the way You make me feel complete when I feel lonely and suddenly I realize that I have You. I love how I need You. I love how I beg You for help. I love the tiny little things in this deen that make me feel part of this incredibly huge religion. I love doing things for Your sake. I love how you give me strength. I love how You give me patience. I love how You help me. I love how You teach me. I love how You give me. I love the fact that You have given me this ability to love. I love how You love me unconditionally. I don't deserved to be loved, but still do You love me :') And that's what I love the most. Thank you, Allah. I love You :)

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Terima kasih Ya Allah

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Setelah sekian lama tak update blog, Yaya datang dgn berita gembira :)
Alhamdulillah, sem dah nak habis. Rasa tak sabar nak graduate. Lepas tu terus masuk main campus :)
Tapi Yaya masih ragu, tak tahu nak ambil course apa. Sama ada terus ke BENL atau tukar ke TESL. Hmm
Tolong doakan Yaya ye? Hehe
Alhamdulillah juga, Yaya sangat bersyukur sebab Allah dah kurniakan Yaya 'hadiah' yg tak ternilai harganya. Yaya happy sangat :') Yaya suka sangat 'hadiah' tu. 'Hadiah' tu banyak ajar Yaya erti Islam yg sebenar. Alhamdulillah sangat. Yaya berharap Allah hadiahkan 'dia' utk seumur hidup Yaya. Ameen :')
Yaya minta korang doakan Yaya sekali ye :) Terima kasih.

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Senioritis

I am so sick of college. Really. I love it but I hate it but I love it.

I am just ready to finish my foundation studies and continue with my undergraduate studies. Seriously, I really want to be doing my thing, making some money for the awesomeness that is me. I am good at this. I know I can be great with more practice. More opportunities present themselves the longer time moves on. And I am really praising Allah for it all.

It's been really hard working and paying bills and all that while going to school 18 hours a week. I keep getting down to points where I really think I am just going to sink financially. I am sick of the sinking feeling. Over it. Love and grace has brought me this far.

The stress of it all gets to me from time to time and I hate that so much. Sometimes I still feel like I did when I was 18. It feels often like everyone else has it so damn easy while I just struggle to keep afloat. Emotionally and physically.

Alhamdulillah, I have amazing friends who love me and remind me often of my strength and potential.

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Posto Posto!

 

The most important thing is ;

• I don't call you with stupid immature and hard to spell names. 
• I don't really hates you, I just dislike you.
• I won't tell you to stop waiting or stop believing.
• I don't know how you feel, or actually I'm trying to ignore it.

And to tell you the truth, aku bukannya suka buat kau macam ni. But for now, let it be. Hey, if two people are meant to be together, eventually they will find their way back, kan? :) Jangan risau. Cuma buat masa ni je, please, I beg you. Let us be. I mean it.

Jaga kesihatan kau, sekarang tengah exam. Tu paling penting.

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Subahanallah

Malam ni lain betul rasanya. Entah kenapa. Dalam fikiran aku terfikir fikir, macam mana kalau ajal aku datang esok? Masa mama tengah drive, mungkin? Atau mungkin masa nak naik ktm jalan jalan dengan sahabat tersayang? Bertaubat belum lagi. Dosa memang dah keliling pinggang, dah mencecah tahap kaki dah agaknya. Solat tidak dijaga dengan baik, mana tau solat tak dilakukan dengan baik tapi aku main bedal je? Hutang orang, kalau ada, aku mungkin belum bayar, dah la aku ni kepala otak mereng tak pernah nak ingat berhutang dengan siapa. Ha macam mana tu? Dosa dosa dengan manusia lagi, tak sempat nak mintak maaf. Mama nanti macam mana? Mesti rindu dekat aku. Ayah siapa nak jaga pakai dengan minum?

Macam mana nak berdepan dengan yang berkenaan bila dalam kubur nanti? Macam mana dengan dosa dan solat yang pernah ditinggalkan?

Subhanallah.

Banyak betul benda yang aku nak cakap tapi sedikit pun tak dapat diluahkan. InsyaAllah, selagi masih bernyawa masih bernafas, lets all of us seek for Allah's bless. Gunakan setiap waktu dengan baik, setiap nafas yang kita hirup dan keluarkan. Hidup kerana nak carik keredhaan Allah. Mari bersama-sama berubah menjadi lebih baik. Tak kira kita jahat macam mana pun, tak kira sedasyat mana pun masa lalu kita, Allah tetap ada dan terima taubat dari hamba-Nya. Have faith and trust him.

When Allah is all you've got, you've got all you need.

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Random

I do believe in retribution. We deserve punishments for wrong things we have done. I believe that God is fair and He has plans for us. It is how we make full use of our lives ourselves. I don't understand how can some people just sit in the train leaving the old ones to stand with their heavy belongings. Young people nowadays are just so inconsiderate. I would have gave up my seat for someone who needs it better. There are even smarter people who lean on the pole! How smart can they be? Like seriously...knowing people have to hold the pole so don't lean on it! Inconsiderate!! Use ur brains sometimes! Although it might not be working. Grr -.- 

TESTS AND QUIZZES! 

Never ever copy during any test. Even though we may get high marks but we will get our retribution.
All these things happen. So avoid it before it really happens.

If we cannot answer, learn from this mistake and work harder for the next test!

I really really want to do well. Very well. especially for Drama.
Help me.


PEOPLE

My friends have changed. Those who weren't close to me. They just seem to be worse now. Not any better. I thought as someone becomes more mature, they do less wrong and silly things. I guess I'm wrong. I'm lucky enough to have nice and good friends. My friends are always nice. STUDY always comes first for them! Then comes time to play and every other things. I really aprreciate and do not want to lose any of my friends over small small matters.


OFFENDED..

Please do not try to test my patience. I may seem to be very patient when it comes to friends but please don't go over the limit. You can make fun of me. How short I am, fat, ugly or anything but never lie and do things behind my back like telling someone how that I used to dislike them or try making people dislike me. I am not perfect. I have my weak points. I am very sensitive inside but I don't show much. I've never done anything to hurt my friends on purpose. Why hurt me? Why even try to hurt me? Those pain had just fade away. Forever. It will not come back because I've learned from my mistake and learn to cherish things and people I have with me now. I'm happy now. I don't need friends who I can't trust. I admit I trust people easily.. soooo easily that I get hurt easily. So, don't make me not trust you because I will lose this trust forever no matter what you try to do to gain that trust back. 

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I just don't understand

Why do people try to hurt other people on purpose? I don't understand. Does it make that person feel better? By hurting the other.

Some people have split personalities too. One day they love you and then hate you the next day. It was fun to experience all that actually. Something I've never felt before. Hatred. I've never really hate someone. Everyone has been very nice to me and I hope I was nice to them too. I understand that sometimes we hurt people's feelings but we don't mean to do so. But there are some people on earth who would do it on purpose. Seeing you suffer makes them happy. SO??
Don't be so silly to get upset over things they do because I'm not upset at all after everything that happened. Let that person live in misery. They will get over it one day. Ignore everything they do even if they get over the limit. I just did. Hopefully I will be able to do it again. Ignoring everything that someone did. I thought of cursing and then I thought why curse? That person will somehow get back what she deserves. Obviously not something good. Then, I thought of telling everyone about things she doesn't want other people to know but I did not because I know it would be so childish of me to do so and why do that to hurt other people? I have never wanted to hurt someone on purpose. Why tell other people things I don't want other people to know? Why tell my friends? Why try to make them dislike me? That hurts pretty much. Even this I ignored. Hacking my account? You know what? I won't do the same. I won't do anything. It's all so stupid and childish. If I'm the lowest standard ever set then what are you? Seriously, think before you say things. Use a little bit of your brain if you have 1. How do we love someone who tells us that? How do we love someone that do not give in to us? Eventually we get fed up! I did. It was so stupid of me for trying to bear with someone like that. Someone so childish and acts like a girl and think that he looks good all the time.

I believe religions have never taught us to hate other religions but I don't know how some people just hate other religion. It is wrong. Very wrong.

I did have a little bit of time when I was happy back then. But I realised I've stopped studying for a while and I know I just have to stop all these. Being playful and childish for a while like that time was enough for me. It was fun. Made another memory to my life. Me being so childish for the 1st time is it? It's not like I'm very mature but I think I think better than many people.

Thanks for the memories. :)
Learned a lot from it.

1. Never get too close with someone you just know
2. Never trust people so easily and tell them certain things
3. I WILL NEVER TALK TO ANYONE LIKE THAT.

So childish of me. But whatever. It's for the best.

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Dumdum

It’s been a while since the last time I've post anything, isn’t it? Yeah, maybe la. Actually baru a couple of days je kan. I'm home, for about two to three hours already and to tell you the truth, I feel like I'm dying inside, I'm broken and now I just don't know how to fix it, how to heal them. Hmph.

After maghrib, my head is so much in pain and I had massive headache which made me sleep for hours until 12 o'clock. I woke up and clean up myself with a good midnight bath. After that, I feel like wanting something hot to drink and look for my favourite hot chocolate and unfortunately, sadly, there’s no more left. Oh so frustrating.

I just don’t know what to do right now since it’s impossible to fall asleep again, so I did some blog walking. Yeah, it’s good to read those famous blogger's life. Their life, it almost seems perfect with their pretty faces, excellent education, gorgeous body and such. But sure they've been through so many things in their life, their ups and down, right?

I’m just missing everybody.

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Ta'aruf Week 2012/2013

Fifth day of ta'aruf week. Yeah, baru sempat nak update. We've finished the most exhausting days which are the registration days. The hall was full with human and I was about to pengsan -.- Me, as the announcer who are responsible to brief them about the flow of the registration. But, ada benda yg buat aku sakit hati jugak la. You know what, after the briefing, one of the new students came to me and asked this question; "Sis, sis cakap apa ye tadi? Maaf saya tak faham english sangat". And aku pun tanyalah dia course apa, and you know what? She answered "Saya course Asasi Bahasa Inggeris". I was like haa? Kau course BEN tapi tak faham english -.- Ya Allah. Sabar je masa tu. Yaya, dia baru je nak start belajar, sabarlah sikit.

Then, dorang semua ni banyak betul la karenah masing-masing. Sama macam kita dulu-dulu. And ada juga yg blur-blur. Ada yg malu-malu. Ada yg comel-comel. Eh? -.- Duhh! But, ada sorang sis ni buat aku kembang satu hari. Datang kat aku and cakap "Sis, can you help me please? I'm an international student. But I left my passport. What should I do? I'm asking you this because I believe, you're one of the international students too. Am I right?". Aku pun perasan kejap. Uuuuu, muka aku ada macam international student eh? Ngehngeh. Maluuu :3 Ohh, aku belum jawab soalan. Dgn perasan aku pun jawab, "Oh no problem. You can bring it within this week and send it to the A&R dept.". Hehe. Kau ada? Hewhew :3

Lupa nak bagi tahu. Aku salah satu committee under registration. So, aku busy masa registration days je la. And nak cerita kat korang, I got an awesome head committee. He is very awesome! And tak lupa juga pada assistant head dia. Dorang sangat sempoi and one thing, tak berlagak :) Our motto is "Kerajinan mengalahkan kehandalan". Cool kan? Sila jealous. Terima kasih. Haha

But guys, sepanjang minggu induction and ta'aruf ni, aku keseorangan dalam bilik. Elok-elok aku ni penakut, terus jadi berani tidur sorang. Haha. But, seriously I'm bored okayy -.- Dah la kebanyakan committee kat sini semuanya "baik", tudung labuh-labuh. Aku pun macam -.- Tak pe la, janji makan pun free. Ada special delivery lagi. Kehkehkeh. Sorry, ampun terlebih sudah. Haha

Okay, ada lagi 3 hari utk aku sabar habiskan minggu ta'aruf ni. I swear to Allah that I miss my home, my mom, my dad, my siblings, my cat, my bed, my domo, my apa lagi? Hehe. Hmm :'( Nak balik! Fullstop. Grr

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Hey girls :)

As long as you cover your aurah PROPERLY, no problem.

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I love you Mama

You're 40 something, I'm sorry I can’t remember your actual age because you still seems so pretty, as pretty as you always are. Still seems like the same mother I have 10 years ago. Still sweet as before. Many things do happen in our life this past few.. er years months..I don’t know. I'm growing older, I'm no longer your baby. I'm just a young girl that really understands your feelings. I can no longer sleep beside you, sometimes maybe. I can no longer touch your hair before I fall asleep. I can no longer feel your 'popok' so that I can sleep and dream. Thing just getting harder nowadays. But it’s okay. You're still my mom.

Mom, I don’t have anything much to say and I think even if I write a long essay for you, it'll never be enough to express how much I love you. I've seen so many things happen to you, yet you're still so strong. I want to be like you. I will always love you, no matter what happen.

I miss you, mom. I miss us.

The truth is, I still want to manja manja with you. Nak jadik kecik balik. I dont like being a grown-up. They sucks. Kakak nak main main main. Mengade sana sini. Buat je apa apa sesuka hati kakak. Nak pergi holiday banyak banyak macam dulu, seronok. Kakak paling suka duduk hotel. Haha alamak kena balik dah. Byebye.

Mama, kakak tak matang langsung kan? Bila kakak nak membesar ni? Hikhik -.-

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Happy Birthday beloved twins :)

My beloved twins are having their 8th birthday today!

Happy Birthday to both of you darlings!

I love both of you!

May Allah bless both of you.

xoxo

Ni cupcake utk korang :)

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Me forever alone

Wish I can go somewhere, just anywhere so that I can refresh myself and started to feel alive again. I told you, I wish and I want this May to be awesome. But.. I can see it seems hard to happen. Still counting the days, to the days when everything will be just fine and alright and I'll tell myself, "There you go, here comes your true happiness. After all it's worth fighting for." But when would it be? Wondering. Hmm

So yeah, back to my present life. I'm going to somewhere tomorrow by hook or by crook I don't care. I desperately want to watch Dark Shadows and feel so sad that I can't watch it today. Oh yes not forget to tell you that I'm going to watch it all by myself. Tsk tsk. Me forever alone. Harhar -.-

Psst, seriously 'its' awkward and I am so not okay with that. Pfft :S
I miss you, did you notice that? -.-

 

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MasyaAllah, Ya Allah!

Astaghfirullahalazim. Its raining, sounds so heavy. Do you still remember the things I used to tell you before? That I got scared easily when its raining and when its windy. And tonight both of them come to greet me. Masya-Allah I really cant stand it, but all I can do is listening to songs. And I found another cover, a lullaby one for me. And it just remind me of my old days at high school, the times when theres so much love for each other. The time of so much ups and downs, well, present is not much different, it just different in so many similar way.

All I can do is to be strong, and have faith in Allah.

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Dear Future Husband, I want to be the flowers of yours :)

I'm home for this weekend. It just so nice to be home sometimes, and it just make me feels like going home for every weekend. I had awesome weekend. I also had a worst headache last night. It just hurt the way it is. I know I am so over-reacting, but I just cant stop feeling like that and I cant sleep. Oh, its going to rain now and while waiting for my dad to arrive home, I will just rest at home. Byebye Xx.

I'm sorry. I'm just not a good girl.

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Just another lullaby with you.

Play the song and read the lyrics, here.

Oh just another teary night, again :') Nice song.

I love you Mama.

Always. Trust me.

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Misery

Hm. Weh, aku misery lagi. Bajet macam dah healed, tapi the wound is still there, dia taknak baik baik and just sometimes, it will still bleeding, randomly. Geramnya. Tapi aku tak kesah pun, taknak susahkan orang dengan masalah aku lagi.

Apa mana kau tau wajah yang tersenyum setiap hari tu, bagaimana waktu malamnya, waktu tidurnya? Aku belajar dalam hidup, kalau cerita kat siapa-siapa pun masalah kau, bukannya depa boleh tolong sangat, yes sekadar bagi nasihat mungkin. The rest is up to you, yourself, macam mana nak selesaikan. Betul tak?

Mengerekot peluk bintang coklat dan berusaha untuk tidur (since ada insomnia ni), dan ye, wondering what tomorrow will be like, staring to that plain ceiling, listening to the roommate's snores, and just keep on praying, wishing everything will be okay. 

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Allah

While I was applying some lotion onto my dry skin, I listen to my sister, reciting Qur'an. And slowly, I try to recite the Asma'ul Husna. Its been a while and I thought I can still remember all 99 of Allah's name but unfortunately, I can only remember half of it, and the rest is just vivid. Do you know what I feel? I feel empty, for a while. And I'm trying my best, trying to remember the rest. I even search into Google, *smile* and trying to memorize it all over again. Alhamdulillah :) 

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"I'm no longer your muse." - The One That Got Away by Katy Perry

Kalau ada angin dekat tingkat atas, aku lari terus masuk bilik tutup pintu rapat-rapat, berbungkuskan selimut dan berbantal-bantal dan berusaha sedaya upaya untuk cool down dan akhirnya akan terus tertidur. Ada tahap sampai rasa jantung dah terkeluar, sarung tudung dan terus keluar rumah main buaian, bawah lebih selamat bagi aku. Hehh. Merepek.

Kelas aku hari ni habis awal dari biasa sebab lecturer takde. Tadi. Aku lepak dalam bilik dengar lagu sambil fikiran melayang entah ke mana. Dari celah-celah headphone aku yang canggih ni aku dapat dengar bunyi desiran pokok (desiran ke, ah mampus lah), aku tengok pokok yang besar tu, tengok tengok dan terus tengok. Sedap jugak rasa angin ni sebenarnya.

Aku nampak mama, aku nampak papa, aku nampak adik-adik aku, aku nampak result mid term aku, aku nampak result final aku, aku nampak kawan-kawan aku, aku nampak benda-benda yang aku suka, tapi yang paling pasti aku nampak KAU lebih lama. Kau.

Apa semua ni? Kadang-kadang susah nak digest benda luar jangkaan ni. Kan?

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Long way to go

"Para Para Paradise, everytime she close her eyes." - Paradise by Coldplay

Sometimes I got confused with so many things that happen in my daily life, most of the time perhaps. I'm trying to face it, strongly and being grateful to have a life to live, at least, and not keep on complaining about this and that. There are so many things I've got to do in such a short period, hard but I still have to walk through it and face it.

All I've got to do is pray and try my best, no? *smile*

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The Voice

There is a voice inside of you.
That whispers all day long.
"I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
or wise man can decide.
What's right for you, just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.

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Bintang

Stars. Atau bintang. Aku dah jumpa satu bintang yang terang, yang aku nak simpan rapi-rapi. Tapi bintang tu masih jauh lagi, masih tak dapat nak capai lagi. Kalau bintang tu di depan mata aku pun mungkin aku takkan dapat capai lagi. Belum masanya lagi, mungkin. Walaupun aku sangat pasti thats the one, thats the star yang I want to keep for my lifetime, tapi boleh jadi juga bintang tu tak sesuai, mungkin terlalu cerah dan mungkin boleh merosakkan lagi mata aku. Sementara ada waktu ni, biarkan aku teman bintang tu sampai dia jumpa dengan yang sesuai.

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Are you?

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I still remember all those thing. Yeah, I still do.

I don't think it ever occured to you how important you are in my life. I can feel that you're fading away, I can feel that we are becoming distant. Practically strangers. And to even imagine that I'll lose you one day, to another person, to God..scares me. Maybe we've been together for too long, maybe we're too young to even know what forever really means. Maybe I just stopped making you happy. Maybe I'm not good enough. 

"And I smile a lot now,

A lot happier somehow

No I dont know what is up with me

I laugh too much recently

No they dont know much about us

When we're exchanging glances

They'll figure out one day"

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Judgement.

Judgments. I have acknowledge my flaws but why do you have to do it for me? What drives you to blame for what I did? I shelter beneath my delicate pride as your venom spit out of your voracious mouth. I have already controlled by my own sorrow and yet you bested me with my weaknesses.

Sometimes I find myself defeated by these excessive conviction. You cannot find the truth in my existence if your eyes widened with self loathing. I won’t reiterate the immerse failure of your imitation. I won’t lose myself over something that is so frivolous.

Call me a fake. It is nothing but a lie. I will never have the kinds like you by my side because my name will be another excuse for you to grovel in the ill will you called a life.

Nothing can stop me. Not even the fires of envy blaze undying as this innocence is destroyed. These caustic embers yet remain soon to be blown away. You will choke on my name. You will choke of what you have said. I won’t succumb to your pettiness because you are machines of vengeance.

So you talk it but do you even know it? It’s such a reoccurring nightmare when you have become another victim of your deception. I can barely suppress my elation as you are failing in tantrum of hatred. You judged me but now I can see that you are me.

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Um. Need Some Useful Advice Here.

Hi I'm back for a while. It all happen in a blink of an eye. I dont know. It might be the one for me, but it might be not. I'm scared. This is tough. This is hard. Will I able to do it? Its not about trying, its about doing it or not doing it. I dont know. I want to talk about it to someone, but who? I dont know. I just want to be home. And being alone again.

Thats the best for me for a couple of days, maybe. MAYBE.

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Undefined.

I can't tell you what my glitch is. I just can't seem to figure it out. I am hoping that the next few days gives some clarity. That would be really great. I don't know what I am doing here, people. It feels like I am losing my mind sometimes. I have to be honest. I am wondering what the reasoning is. Why did I do this? What it some selfish attempt at being a hero to people here? I don't know. I just need some definition to all of this emotional chaos.

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New Year With New Beginnings

I just wanted to say that I am very glad that Allah has blessed me with all He has. I love doing what I do and I love being who I am. I see the little things that are so great in my life: the love and support of amazing family, dearest friends, the protection of Allah, and the peace I have in the promise that Allah's plan is to prosper me.

These are great things. And I am very glad for it all. Is it perfect? Not a chance. But I am learning every day the value of staying committed to one's goal. It's something I never grasped before and something that is very important for me to learn. I am also learning a lot about being in a relationship-a healthy one-that's growing.

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