Goodbye 2010

2010 is a great year, yet a painful one. Perhaps, from your point of view my life is somewhat mediocre but what I have felt and what I have been going through, you don't even want to know. Okay, you do want to know.

January
Still in class 5 Science 2. Met again with super awesome classmates. Busy with homework, yes, the first month. Activities and so on.

February
Goofing around with friends. Briefly enjoying life as SENIOR (F5) no matter thousands of times I mentioned how torturous it is with tonnes of homework which I barely did.

March
Allahu! Lots of homework! Lots of problems!


April
Bliss? You wish.

May
More dugaan.

June
Lost? Pain? Those were nothing to describe my agony.

July
Pacing back and forth. Slowly regained my old self. I threw away everything that belong to her. With the help of classmates and close friends which I had abandoned and being abandoned.

August
The pain won't go away. Life seems empty. I started focus on writing. End of the month, I have indeed found my way.

September
A lot of writing. Prepared for the big exam.

October
My family began to trust me. They can see me, finally.

November
I began to question myself and forgave the person. I don't have the right not to forgive but I have the right not to forget. Maghfirah more important now.

December
I am stronger than anything. I know I am.

Yes this year is so full of drama, pain and whatever, you name it. I won't say I have let go of everything, I haven't but I learn how to forgive and live. I did survive anyway. My eyes used to be blind and now it's wide open. I see people, I see how my life is, I see myself. Goodbye school. Hello world.

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thanks for reading (:

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Hati dan Akal Berbicara

Di sebuah pondok usang milik seorang hamba.

Akal : Assalamualaikum, sahabat.

Hati : Waalaikumussalam...

Akal : Apa khabar iman anda?

Hati : terdiam...

Akal bertanya sekali lagi.

Akal : Apa khabar iman anda?

Hati : Kurang sihat mungkin.

Akal : Mengapa? 

Hati : Aku merindui dia segenap jiwaku...

Akal : Dia yang mana, sahabatku?

Hati : Kedua dia. Dia yang hakiki, juga dia yang entah kemana akhirnya..

Akal : Tidak mengapa, Itukan fitrah manusia.

Hati : Tapi rinduku kepadanya kadangkala membuat jiwaku runsing. Fikiranku melayang terbang jauh ke angkasa. Kadangkala ketika beribadah juga aku teringat dia.

Akal : Cintamu padanya, juga cintamu padaNya, cinta padaNya kan yang lebih utama.

Hati : Tapi... Aku benar cinta dia. Aku benar rindu dia. Aku mencintainya kerana Allah. Kami saling menasihati kepada kebaikan. Aku mahu mengejar syurga bersamanya.

Akal : Apa makna cinta? 

Hati : Kasih dan sayang.

Akal : Bagiku cinta itu gila.

Hati : Mengapa pula?

Akal : Apabila kita mencintai seseorang, kita asyik teringatkan dia. Apa yang dikata jangan, sebaik mungkin kita elakkan. Apa yang diminta, seboleh mungkin kita usaha. Bila ada yang lain mendekati, bergelodak rasa cemburu. Apa kau rasa begitu?

Hati : Ya. Begitu yang aku rasa.

Akal : Apa kau tahu apa pula ibadah?

Hati : Orang kata ibadah itu taat dan patuh.

Akal : Ibadah itu juga adalah cinta.

Hati : Bagaimana dimaksudkan begitu?

Akal : Ibadah itu cinta. Berkasih-kasihan dengan Tuhan.

Hati : terdiam lagi...

Hati : Jadi... Apa sebenarnya yang ingin kau sampaikan wahai akal?

Akal : Fikirkan, kalau kau benar mencintai dia kerana Allah, apa kau ada mengadu kepadaNya?

Hati : Aku puas sudah berdoa. Aku mendoakannya empat puluh kali setiap hari. Siang dan malam! Tegas hati..

Akal : Apa kau berdoa kepadaNya hanya kerana apabila kau terasa jauh dengannya? Apa kau hanya melipatgandakan ibadahmu ketika jiwamu rasa tak tenang?

Hati : diam dan tertunduk...

Akal : Bagaimana boleh kau katakan cintamu kerana Allah. Sedangkan kau mengabaikan Dia ketika cintamu dengannya sedang indah bercahaya. Sabarlah wahai hati. Doamu mungkin tidak makbul sekelip mata. Barangkali Allah akan memakbulkannya di lain masa. Barangkali Allah ada hadiah yang lebih berharga untukmu!

Aliran sungai merah terasa semakin deras mengalir ke kepala...

Akal : Cinta kepada manusia yang gila seperti itu, hanya layak disandarkan kepada Allah. Allah menarik cintamu kerana Allah lebih mencintaimu. Allah merindui doa dan tangisan hambanya. Allah mahu kau kembali mengindahkan cintamu kepadaNya!

Hati mulai menangis... Sepi... Kesal..

Terima kasih : ILuvIslam~

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thanks for reading (:

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Think~Think~Think

Everything is turning grey, but I won't hold my breath today

Cause' I'm not scared and to tell the truth I just don't care.

Are you looking for an answer? When you still don't know the question.

It's like lighting candles in the rain-

Sometimes life can be a pain,

But don't give up without a fight.

Sometimes when you feel afraid, don't give up and run away.

Cause' two wrongs don't make a right.

What's the point in crying when you've done nothing wrong.

It was right there all along.

The world's nothing but a lie and everyone is going to die

But what can I say? Just help me make it through today.

You don't need a destination just to go somewhere in life.

It's like throwing feathers at the wind-

They come right back to you again.

So why not give it one more try?

Just cause' things aren't what they seem

It doesn't mean you shouldn't dream

Just don't get your hopes too high.

Cause' when things don't turn out right

You world comes crashing down.

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thanks for reading (:

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Learn to Become an Adult

Few days ago, I asked few of friends of what I should change about myself and all of them said I should change nothing. They just wanted me to become more friendlier and merrier.

Qila sent me Taylor Swift's quote :
"If you're lucky enough to be different from everybody else, don't change"

It's the only thing I keep on reminding myself.

You like music. I worship music. If music can be religion then I'm the religious devotee.

If you busy keeping long hair, then I'm the one with the short spiky hair.

If you're busy applying make up all over your face to hide your flaws then I'd be the one who don't wear make up just to show my flaws.

If you're busy going around just to show how famous and sociable you are, then I'd be the one who infamous for writing a book that would make me famous in another 10 years.

If you're busy with MySpace/Facebook and brag about how cool or hot you are and failing in your academy then I'd be the one who is pathetically ugly and nerdy just to secure my life in the future.

Strangers, whoever you are just GROW UP okay?
I can see through you and you are pathetic.

When I say something, the truth is never a cliche.

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thanks for reading (:

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I'm Proud to Be Me =)

Honestly, I'm the type of person that believe in myself. Meaning, I put myself at the very high place and I don't bring myself to perfection level. However, that does not mean I'm selfish. I think being confident of who you really are can save you from many situations. For instance, I hardly get jealous or feel insecure because I always think I'm the good person or better at particular things.

The way I think is greatly different from any other teens of my age. I'm a spontaneous person, yes but if I were in complicated situations, I would think at least 5 solutions just to get out from the misery. In some way, I take pride by calling myself smart rather than intelligent or clever. In study, well that is another story. I'm a slow learner in calculations. In addition, I write pretty well. I just think most of people can't think deeply the way I could. So I'm proud to have a great bizarre mind.

Getting envy over someone else is definitely not me. Not that I never get jealous before, I had, but it's a rare for me. You see, I admit I have alot of flaws but I never blame anyone for my flawed complexion, whether my face, body, skin tone, weight or even height. I'm grateful that I have a chubby face, it makes me look cute. My big butt, perfectly fitted when I'm wearing jeans. My skin tone, shows that I'm of a mixed blood. My height and weight, well pretty good if compare to other unfortunate people.

So yeah, you can say that I'm full of myself but that's not it. It's the way I think. Plus, I'm convinced that I'm different. It's good to be different, no one can actually blame you for doing everything as they don't know whether it's right or wrong.

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thanks for reading (:

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My Perfect Sisters.

My sisters holds me tight
My sisters kisses me goodnight
My sisters knows when I’m mad
My sisters helps me when I’m sad
My sisters is so smart
My sisters has my heart
My sisters loves me lots
My sisters ties the knots
My sisters is here to stay
My sisters I have until this very day
My sisters I wish you well
My sisters yes I can tell
My sisters asked if I lied
My sisters knows if I’ve cried
My sisters has moved away
My sisters is in my heart to and will always stay

My sisters please dont cry
My sisters dry your eyes
My sisters don't end your life
My sisters your not his wife
My sisters he's cold as a snake
My sisters he's just a fake
My sisters everything will be better when you wake
My sisters Ive seen the pills you take
My sisters he's full of lies
My sisters don't even try
My sisters your the one everyone likes
My sisters don't start a fight
My sisters it ends tonight
My sisters I need you, don't end your life 

 MY PERFECT SISTERS

My perfect sisters holds me tight
My perfect sisters kisses me goodnight
My perfect sisters knows when I’m mad
My perfect sisters helps me when I’m sad
My perfect sisters is so smart
My perfect sisters has my heart
My perfect sisters is good and nice
My perfect sisters holds me at night
My perfect sisters loves me lots
My perfect sisters ties the knot
My perfect sisters is here to stay
My perfect sisters I have until this very day
My perfect sisters I wish you well
My perfect sisters yes I can tell
My perfect sisters asked if I lied
My perfect sisters knows if I’ve cried
My perfect sisters has moved away
->My perfect sisters is in my heart to and will always stay<- 

They are Hidayu, Hidayati, Aina and Aini.

I LOVE YOU ALL !

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thanks for reading (:

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My Only Hero =)

My hero is the best

He is better than all the rest
My hero doesn’t like to admit
That he is my hero when he dose his little bit

My hero has love and respect
Even he is my prime subject
My hero is always on my mind
Even though he is smart and kind
My hero has a special name
But I can’t tell you it cause it would put him in shame

My hero loves to pull a trick
He is not smart no is he very thick?
My hero makes me smile even though I feel crying
He says 'I will always love you even though I am dyeing' 

my hero, my hero didn't have any special powers,
because my hero didn't fight
my hero didn't have any wings
because my hero didn't fly
my hero didn't have any special costumes
because my hero didn't like any heroes
my hero is different than any kind of super creatures

my hero is just an ordinary human beings
my hero makes me smart
my hero changes my future
my hero makes me know something
because my hero is my FATHER <3 font="">

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thanks for reading (:

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Life to Me =)

Life is every where
It is in you now and forever it shall stay
Life is the wind blowing sideways
Life is the winter and the summer
I am Life You are Life We are Life
I love Life and Life loves me
Life and I play beneath the midnight sun
Life and I play beneath the morning moon
Life brings me soup when I am ill
Life kisses me good night and greets me with a smile
Life is sad and it is lonely
Life is evil and Life is blunt
Life is a true friend and never lies
I am Life You are Life We are Life

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thanks for reading (:

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Pink ! Pink ! Pink !

When the baby was born a lovely pink
From a pink nipple it did drink
Just before the journey home
It was dressed in pink
It's tiny socks were a wooley pink
It's bassinette was also pink
It was placed in a black convertable
The upholstery was a lovely pink
Then they arrived home at last
To be greeted by a hot pink house
Where it had a lovely bath
A pink bubble bath
In a plastic pink tub
Then mother put it to bed
In it's little pink cot
With it's lovely pink Quilt
And it's pink teddy bear
No wonder my baby brother
Thought he was a little girl
When they put a pink ribbon
In his curls

A blush of pink:
She’d caught a roving eye –
He gave a wink.
Her smile had played a shy
And quaint florescence;
The siren of pubescence
Drew him in.
She bade him touch her hair,
Suggesting that he dare
To kiss her pulsing lips!
E’er the fool a man, he did:
The drips of blood began to cheer –
And so, another rid:
Tips of fangs are sharp, you know –
Dancing ivory feeds her soul –
See her claim a howl upon a chilling wind!
Slain, he lay across a crimson floor:
She grinned in her repletion.
A blush of pink;
Beneath a glowering sky
Her savoured drink
Was done.

Pink pants and rosy plants
Pink blouses, never failing to arouse spouses
Pink hot feverish lips
Passionate pants of pink
Love letters dipped in pink ink

You see! You see!

Pink is my colour
Pink is the sweet side of wild
Quite mild
Like a little lost baby child
Of all the colours compiled
Pink is romantic and disarming
All pink roses are ever so charming
Pink is my colour
The fruit juices I drink
Are always colour pink
With favourable odours
Igniting my fire making me desire more and more
Think! Think! Pink always links
With erotic pleasant stinks
Those flirty winks
Combining with pink
Creating an effect of kink, kink, kinky!
Pink is my colour
Refined or raw
Pink is my colour
And the colour of my door
Pink is my colour
And the only colour I adore

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thanks for reading (:

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So-Called Bestfriend ?

I have one friend that once claimed we're best friends till the end and went off to somewhere. Whenever she gets back, she hardly text or even call me. We used to be so close together but now, it seems that we have to meet for certain activities and only then, we talk about current updates. It seems that we're strangers.

I have one friend since Form 2. She once said that I am important in her life and yet she never bothered to tell me what's happening in her life or mine. When shes meets me at school, she just waved, smile and says Hi. Best friend, huh?

I have one friend, she always nags to me about how loathsome her life is and how suffocating it is. She never realized that I have a life too, and I wish she realized that the world does not revolve around her and nothing can suck up to her ego and volatile temper.

I have a friend, by far to be the best that I've ever had. No matter how many things we have in commons, I never understand her. She keeps secrets. It hurts me when she feels the same way as I do and yet never said anything to me.

I have a friend, the one friend that I trust most. She used to be by my side when things turned ugly. Now, when I'm having a pretty handsome life, she just vanished and stop telling me things.

I don't know why, but I feel sad somehow. Sometimes, I wish something more, that one of them could have realized and apologize. The other part of me says that this how life is. You can never really depend on people, not even your so-called best friends. One thing that I can be sure of, it's my absolute love and loyalty to them. Still, I don't know if they deserve any of that.

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thanks for reading (:

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