This Tiny Piece Of Life That I Called Reality

Sometimes, I wonder, if this really right? Am I too selfish? Am I doing the right thing? These kind of questions always ring in my head every time I want to make a decision, when I really think hard. Most of the times, I don't bother about any of these. Yes, people are selfish just like that, there are no such thing as magnanimous people. 

I don't enjoy much hanging around with friends without solid purposes. I don't 'lepak', 'shisha', drinking, sneaking out, smoking, touching any opposite gender or texting everyone everyday until I run out of credits. I find it is too shallow-minded for me to do. That's not it. How should I say it? Ah, IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT I'D ENJOY TO DO. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, I know my capabilities and my wisdom, that's why I never bother any of that. A person like me, as you might think, I would probably shut myself in my room and write suicide notes with butterflies on them and psycho myself out about having multiple personality disorder.


On the contrary, I've been spending time learning how to bake cakes or cookies with a big butterfly on, learning fairy pattern make up, reading about sports news, research about psychology-related-stories-and-matters. Simply put, current interests. I'm very fickle, I tend to learn different things at the same time. Eventually, I forget everything. Yes, thanks to my short-term-memory-loss.

Something ticks me today. The fact that my parents' room has no light that they have to depend on the dim side lamp for weeks and their worn out bed sheet on the dusty bed frame. I feel bad, I feel terrible. I'm not born in  a wealthy family where my needs can be fulfilled. I'm taught to get things done by my own and at the same time being spoiled without getting scolded for not doing the things that I should do. Yes, I am well aware of any of that. However, here I am sitting in front of this monitor typing to the public, shamelessly admitting. Not that I care that you know it now. Huh.


I told myself over and over again, once I get my first salary, I will buy them a nice bed sheet, even a cheap one (I don't care) I make a promise now that I will clean their room tomorrow. And I really want to send them to Mekah for them to be able to perform hajj and umrah.


I promise.

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How I Plan My Life With You, Future Husband :)

I'm waiting for you!

Hee <3

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Memoirs of a Geisha

I finished Memoirs of a Geisha about 4 weeks before. It takes me about one week to finished them all. And yes, I was initially freaked out by the bookcover.

It was a good read. Sad, though. The book pictures women of that era as mere playthings for men, to be used and thrown away like objects. The whole job of a geisha revolves around prettying up, learning the arts and going through all that training, just attract men. After reading the book, I now know there's a big difference between a prostitute and a geisha. But even so, can you imagine being forced to entertain random strangers to work off a debt? And after that your virginity is put up for auction like a box of doilies? That's just... scary ):

As if having to give yourself to the a dude you don't love isn't bad enough, you can't even date a man you DO love freely. In Sayuri's case, that is. By the end of the book, I guess you could say she ended up with the Chairman. "Happy Ending". But wasn't she just a mistress anyway? ):

I suppose women didn't have much place in the world back then.

I dunno, maybe society at that time was different and "mistress" took on a different meaning. ANYWAY, the book is a gem of details and imagination. When one closes one's eyes reading Geisha, one would easily be immersed in a world of breathtakingly scenery, exquisitely gorgeous kimonos and the beauty of art. You will lose yourself in a different Japan from what we see today.

Definitely worth your time reading (:

Some people call this a love story. But I really wouldn't.

*Pelik lak nape tetibe aku citer sal Geisha kan? hehe

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Randomly, for tonight.

I will just look at those picture. It makes me smile.
I will hear to the songs that makes me feel alive again.
I will enjoy my second bath in one day.
I will sing out loud and dance.
I will write and write and write and write until no more pages left.
I will keep dreaming something that will never happen.
I will eat chocolate again and again.
I will do something that I like, snapping.
I will cheer myself with people around me.
I will be deaf when I hear some annoying noise outside there.
I will never cut my wrist, it is stupid.
I will never take dog's shit, ecstasy, drugs etc.
I will never do suicide eventhough I'd think about it many times before. 
I will sit down and read my most favourite books and comics.
I will lay down with my pants and shirts on.
I will hug my teddy bears that was bought for me from my mom.
I will read the old messages in my Save Messages, twice before I sleep.
I will hear to a soft lullaby, River Flows in You.
I need to eat more and more when I feel pain in my head.
I will have my sight on random blogs.
I will sleep without anyone beside me.
I will never trust someone that dont trust me.
I will never miss someone that dont really appreciate me.
I love my life and I wont ruin it with someting reckless.

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Invictus

Out of the night that covers me, 

Black as the Pit from pole to pole, 
I thank whatever gods may be 
For my unconquerable soul. 

In the fell clutch of circumstance 
I have not winced nor cried aloud. 
Under the bludgeonings of chance 
My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears 
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years 
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate, 
How charged with punishments the scroll. 
I am the master of my fate: 
I am the captain of my soul.


* Kita ingatkan ada poem nya sahaja. Taktau pulak ada movie sekali. Sorry

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Girls, you all must read this!

Believe it or not, some guys are not actually into you. They say the three words just because they want to win a bet on "Who's got you first?". This kind of guys, let's just call them kanak-kanak ribena.

Cuma satu je la aku nak cakap. Korang perempuan-perempuan semua ni, janganlah nak percaya cakap lelaki mulut manis campur gula ni. Jangan cepat percaya sangat lah. Dia puji-puji kau semua, sampai kau selekeh pun kata kau lawa, tu bukan cinta buta namanya. Lepastu nanti, dia 'sembelih' kau berjemaah dengan member-member dia semua. At last, kau mengandung entah anak siapa. Kau bunuh diri, roh tak tenteram. Kau kacau orang, sampai kesudah takde happy ending.

So kesimpulannya, lose your virginity only to the right guy. Maksud aku, laki kau la. Suami kau yang sah. Bukan kepada lelaki yang setakat boyfriend saja.

*to guys~aku tak cakap sume guys same. Tapi memang ade segelintir korang cam tu.

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Siti Nurfarah Aqilah

Siti Nurfarah Aqilah

Farah, hati2 kat sane tau. Yaya sentiasa doakan Farah selamat dan sihat.

Farah janji dengan Yaya jangan tinggal makan tau.

Farah, kuatkan semangat dan tabahkan hati ok? Yaya tahu, Farah ni seorang yang tegar.

Nanti kalau ada apa2, Farah bagi tahu Yaya tau.

Balik nanti Farah cerita lah kat Yaya pengalaman Farah kat sana.

Farah jangan sedih2 ok. Yaya tak kan lupakan Farah.

Jangan lupa pesan Yaya tau.
*sory curi gambar. hehe

Salam sayang, Yaya <3

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